Thursday, September 12, 2013

Life Lessons Month of September: Blog 2- Letters from Mom & Mimi

Dear Ellie Bean,

Getting this close to your brother’s birth is making me think back to Kyle’s delivery and yours Ellie and how grateful I was to have your Mimi stay with me a few weeks after each of you.

My Mom was such a big help but in the quietest way.  She cooked dinners every night, did our laundry, cleaned the house, drove me where I needed to be after my C-section, and never once tried to take the baby from us unless we asked her to (and she would softly retreat to her room to work, read, or make phone calls so that Justin and I could bond privately with the baby).  I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that.  So for you Ellie, use this list I’ve compiled when you have a baby for you to politely tell people how to respect your boundaries.

Life Lessons Learned #28: Be honest and tell people how you feel after you have a baby.

Here’s a list that I’ve generated that I hope family and friends will honor:

1.     Please remember to give attention to my oldest child too.  In fact, before approaching the baby, acknowledge Ellie.  She is feeling new emotions and figuring out her new place- help her feel wanted, included, and loved.
2.     Please don’t try to take the baby out of my arms so I can “get things done.”  If you are offering help, please let me bond with my baby and think of something that might need tending to.    
3.     Please don’t stay too long, newborns' sleep patterns are exhausting and we need to adjust to our new schedule and routine.
4.     Please don’t just pop in unannounced.  Showers and the condition of my house are not quite up to par after having a baby so some notice is appreciated.
5.     Ask me what it is that I need, don’t assume.
6.     If you are on your way to the grocery store, call me and ask if I need anything.  I will pay you back but not being able to drive for two weeks after a C-section makes it difficult to stay prepared.
7.     Maternity leave can be isolating so please think of us in the weeks after the birth.

Ellie, giving birth is an exciting time but it can also be stressful.  Maintain open and honest relationships with family and friends in those days and weeks after (particularly when sleep deprivation can bring out the not so good in all of us!).

I love you Ellie!

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