Thursday, October 17, 2013

Life Lesson Month of October: Blog 3- Letters from Mom & Mimi

Dear Love Bug,

Having Will here these past few weeks made me reflect on when you were a baby.  I so wanted to treasure every second with you, as I knew each moment would go by too fast.  That’s how our blogs started Ellie.  I sat down one night when your Dad was out of the country on business and I wrote you a letter.  It wasn’t a long letter but it detailed my wishes, hopes, and dreams for you.  In fact, I couldn’t tell you exactly what was in it because I purposely didn’t save it on the computer.  I printed it, sealed it in an envelope, labeled it with a date to open twenty years in the future, and put it in your jewelry box for safekeeping.  And that made me think that one letter probably wouldn’t suffice so your Mimi and I put our heads together.  And hence the birth of this blog as our gift to you was born.

Life Lessons Learned #33: Document moments that you want to savor.

I have a funny feeling that you and Will are going to be opposites.  The first two weeks with you Ellie were so telling of your future personality… I must preface by saying that I also tried to breastfeed you and my milk never fully came in so that might have been some of the problem.  For those first days at home, you never slept.  You constantly had a grumpy face on (that your Mimi affectionately called your Walter face after Jeff Dunham’s ventriloquist doll).  You were about 8 weeks old when you first smiled and even now, you really make people work to see that gorgeous grin of yours, my serious girl.  Your beautiful eyes were open from the instant you entered the world and rarely shut since.

As for Will, he sleeps and eats.  Right after he eats, he sleeps.  You don’t get to see his eyes too often yet as they are always closed.  Your Dad and I got more sleep in the first night with him than all four nights in the hospital with you combined.  And now that we are home, he gets up only twice a night to eat and dozes right after.  Your Dad had a week of paternity leave and it was very much like a staycation as we were all so well rested!  Will has been smiling and giggling in these first few weeks.  He was even cooing since his birth and hasn’t stopped “talking” since.  I don’t think we have heard him cry aside for asking for food.  His demeanor is so calm and mellow.  In fact, the running joke in the family has been, “Where’s Will?” as he is often so quiet that when one of us puts him down in his crib, swing, or bassinette, the other doesn’t know where to look first!    

Now, I’m not saying that one experience is better than the other.  Ellie, I think both are all about bonding in different ways and learning how to be a good parent in varying circumstances.  With you Ellie, I could tell that you would wear your emotions on your sleeve, you would be independent, strong, and hot-headed, and you wouldn’t please people for their own sake.  As for Will, I think he is going to be my easy-going, friendly, relaxed, and even-tempered child.  I think the both of you will balance each other out very well and I am so blessed to have a taste of both of your extremes!

Even your Mimi made a comment about how different I am with Will than I was with you- that I rarely rock him when I hold him whereas with you, I bounced you constantly to try to pacify you.  You have always had high expectations my dear girl!

Although we are keeping our blog for you, I do think I need to write Will a letter just as I did for you initially.  So here’s what I want him to know.

My Love, My Will,

I never imagined that I would get a chance to have another son.  When we found out that you were a boy at our 20-week gestational appointment, I couldn’t stop crying happy tears.  I would have been grateful for any healthy child but to have a chance with a little boy again was beyond imaginable.  When Kyle died, I not only grieved for the son that I lost but also for the memories that I would never get to have with him, like dancing to the mother-son song at his wedding or cheering him on at baseball games.  Now Will, I promise that I will never put my dreams of Kyle on you but know that because of Kyle, I will cherish each moment I have with you.  And those memories I never got to have with Kyle may look completely different with you (perhaps you won’t get married or you will be into theater instead of sports), but I will appreciate, treasure, and support you (as long as you try your best and you are kind-hearted).

Just as with Ellie, I want you find happiness and love.  I want you to have compassion and empathy. I want you to have a relationship with God and believe in the power of prayer- faith is a gift.  I want you to be grateful and appreciative for what you have.  Be sure to take responsibility for all of your actions and know when to say I’m sorry.  In the same breath, learn how to forgive- no one is perfect so leave the judging to a higher power.  I want you to understand that you can be the catalyst for change, you can be a leader, and you can make the world a better place.  Believe in yourself, rely on your instincts, and trust your intuition.  Be an active member in society and our family.  Don’t underestimate the importance of education and hard work.  Please understand that contentment does not have to come at someone else’s expense.         
Now as you are lying in my lap at almost three weeks old (and smiling and giggling in your sleep), I am saying aloud as I type, “You are so very loved.”  You are one-of-a-kind, so special, and I feel blessed that you, your brother, and your sister were given to me.

I love you Will-Will,

Ellie, life goes by too fast so be sure you take the time to note and remember those moments that you make you laugh and love not only for yourself but for your posterity. 

Love you Bean,

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