Dear Angel,
In a world that focuses so much on how we look, I want you
to realize that inner beauty is what shines through. Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. When people tell you that you are smart
or sweet, that should be a far better compliment than when someone tells you
that you are attractive.
Life Lessons Learned
#22: Love who you are.
A few weeks ago, I made a comment that the wall color in
our new house is tacky. Of course,
you asked, “What does tacky mean?”
Without thinking, I replied bluntly, “Ugly.” And you again inquired, “What’s ugly?” You made me pause for a second
Ellie. First, I was in awe that
you have been graced for three years to not know what that means (and then I
felt a painful guilt that I tainted you by using the word). Second, I was stumped at how to explain
it to you because everything that God has created is beautifully made and
anything is else is our unfair prejudices and judgments. So I tried the route of, “Well, when
someone is really mean on the inside, that’s what ugly looks like.” It didn’t satisfy you so I settled on
something a bit more concrete, I said, “Well, ugly is the opposite of
pretty.” You then asked, “Like a
spider?” And because I really
dislike spiders, I answered, ‘”Yes,” and you went about playing. Two days later, you brought the subject
up again and stated randomly, “Ugly is when someone is mean and it’s what an
ant looks like, right?.” You do
think deeply about things and I do think that you processed what I was trying
to convey. I want you to understand
that ugly is something that people manifest. I hope it’s several more years before you have to think
about that word again Ellie because I really can’t think of a time where it
isn’t used negatively. It’s hard
for me to picture a world where ugly doesn’t exist and for you, that’s been
your life since you were born. I
can only imagine the beauty you see in everything so I will try to see the
world from your vantage point!
That’s why Ellie I try really hard not to say negative
things about my own body in front of you.
I want you to grow up to have a good body image so I am purposeful not
to point out the many flaws I think I have. At three, you tell me that I am pretty and I let myself
believe it because you see the world so simply and wonderfully (you see the
color of flowers when we are walking to the park and the shape of the clouds
when we drive). As my belly is
growing with your brother inside, we talk about how amazing this experience is
as you feel him kick. You are
familiar with my scar from my c-sections but you don’t see it as a
disfigurement, you see it as I do- it’s more than a boo boo, it’s a line of
love. And really, isn’t that what
most blemishes and wrinkles on our skin are? They tell stories of where we’ve been.
Don’t let the media define beauty for you. At three, you have already redefined
it. As long as you stick with the
season and your clothes are clean, you have free reign to pick out your own
outfits everyday. For a while, you
would choose to wear your Little Mermaid pajamas (it looks like a house coat)
out in public with your very worn sneakers (that you wear without socks). You take pride in your choices and you
definitely own them- don’t ever lose that quality! You don’t like bows or pigtails in your hair so we cut it
styled into a simple bob with bangs to keep your hair from hanging in your
eyes. We take baths regularly, and
you brush your teeth twice a day so cleanliness is a must but beyond that, you
go with comfort. And really, isn’t
that what’s most important? You
love to run, climb, and tumble (at the park, you get sand in your hair and dirt
on your face). For the one-hour of
television you get to watch when I make dinner, you are usually watching it
upside down on the couch in a headstand position.
Don’t let clothes or someone else’s standard of beauty
confine you. Stay active and be
healthy and never spend extra minutes analyzing how you look… there are far
better things to do with your time!
Yes Ellie, I think you are gorgeous but what I love most
about your face is how you show your emotions- I love your smile when it’s
genuine and I love your furrowed brows when you problem solve and process
information and I love your angry face when you pucker your mouth and narrow
your eyes. I think you’re
incredibly bright and observant too.
You are creative, independent, and spunky. You care about others.
You are strong and stubborn.
Do you see how appearance dwindles in comparison to everything
else? You are loved Ellie not
because of how you look but because of who you are on the inside (and that my
dear is true beauty). And Ellie,
let me tell you that you are one of a kind. And I’m so glad that you are mine.
I love you, Mom
Wow Kim what a powerful lesson to teach your child. If all Mom would convey this lesson we would have a better world to live in. Love the part where she did not know what ulgy was it is a same she has to learn that description.
ReplyDeleteI love these lessons learned, even us adults learn a thing or tow. thanks for sharing these great stories.
Oh Kim this brought tears to my eyes so beautifully written and such an important lesson . <3
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