Anticipation Month of October- Blog 1: Letters from Mom & Mimi

My Dear Spaghetti Ellie,

Happy October, my sweet one.  In most years, I can’t say that I am especially fond of this month- the days get shorter, the weather turns colder, and I miss Central Pennsylvania most this time of year (there is nothing like the Appalachian Mountains turning colors of yellow, gold, burnt orange, auburn, crimson, and even violet).  Mimi, can you take a picture of what home looks like right now so that we can see the foliage?  Someday Ellie, we will get you to visit Mount Nittany in the autumn.  

But the good things about October (other than being able to dress you up in the best, and somewhat ridiculous, outfits for Halloween- oh just wait to see what your Mimi and Poppy have picked out and notice the word outfits is plural!) are my week off for fall break (can you say girl time Ellie?!), these days get us one step closer to Christmas- my favorite holiday (aside from my birthday of course!), and this month is Uncle Ryan and Aunt Samantha’s wedding!!!  So really, it’s only fitting that October is about anticipation… we have a lot to get excited about.  

But more on the wedding details next week.  For now, I am eager for something much simpler, something during most parts of the year I take for granted; routine.  Ellie, these past six weeks of me being back at school have been such an adjustment.  From Back-to-School Night, Parent Conferences, you getting sick five days in between (being back at daycare also means strengthening that immune system and having Mommy and Daddy figure out their schedules for who takes off), you sharing one or two of those viruses with your poor Dad and I, and my bout with shingles, I am grateful for the pace to slow down.  I have felt like a very ineffective mom, spread a bit too thin for the past month.  And I think you felt that Ellie too.  Your trip down the terrible twos took a turn for the worse.  The nightly tantrums seemed daily (and endless).  Our few hours together in the evening before bedtime were cut in half with your screaming.  I did fear that you are destined to be a mean girl.  But I think Angel, you and I have a special bond and you sensed my stress… and my stress centers so much around being a good mom (and your tantrums make me feel like the worst, I hate when I can’t fix what makes you upset). 

But as I am reflecting, I reread this section, it sure is a Catch-22 (it’s so circular), isn’t it?  I am afraid that I am not singing you enough songs, that I’m not reading you enough books, that we don’t take enough walks to the park, that I don’t cook you enough home cooked meals.  Sometimes, there aren’t enough hours in the day.  Is there ever enough???  Are all moms wracked with this guilt?  I wonder if this stems from losing your brother Kyle, Ellie?  

I sometimes feel that I failed to give him the best life before he died or I failed because I couldn’t fix him and make him better (and I know rationally in my head that’s ridiculous, we did the best we could and he is in the best place now… but sometimes my heart is irrational and questions).  

Mimi, did you feel this ever?  Being out west on our own has its advantages (namely being the quality of your Dad’s and my marriage) but with the stressors of life, I wished for help this month (but that’s also part of the problem and the cause of the shingles, I don’t ask).  So take this as a lesson Ellie, you aren’t allowed to move far away from me when you grow up and I will help you whenever you need it (but you have to speak up).  
    

So as October blows in with the chillier days (and cute fall sweaters and blazers), I am anticipating finding balance and peace again.  And let’s pray for good health!

Love you Elle-Belle,
Mom

And now from your Mimi…

Hi Ellie!

All right, it is the beginning of October and our topic this month is Anticipation.  So here is its definition.  Are you ready for it?????  Are you really, really ready to read its definition?????  If (yes) then you are probably “anticipating” an answer in the next sentence!  OK.  Anticipation:  The act of looking forward; especially: a pleasurable expectation.

For me drinking a great cup of tea is a pleasurable expectation!  But I am pretty sure you already know that!

Watching the changing of seasons is a heightened anticipation of mine!  But I am saving that one for next week when the fall colors will be close to peeking!

Oh, here is another pleasurable expectation that I enjoy Ellie.  Watching my favorite football team (the Green Bay Packers) play some great Sunday football!   

Most of the time Ellie I am the quiet one while viewing the game, and Poppy is the excitable one, especially when the team’s defense is not playing up to par…. But there are times that I have been known to scream out when a spectacular play leading up to a touchdown happens!  I always wear my Bart Star (#15) jersey, but Poppy surprised me this week and bought me my favorite player’s jersey Greg Jennings (#85)!  So now I can mix my Sunday wardrobe up a bit!  You know even though it is early in the football season, I have great “anticipation” that the Packers will have a repeat Superbowl win this year!

Looking forward to reading a great book (usually recommended by your mommy) is a great anticipation for me Ellie, especially during the Fall and Winter evenings!  There is nothing cozier than being wrapped up in my white ivory fleece throw blanket while comfortably sitting on my favorite oversized rocking chair with a steaming cup of tea on the end table to my right and a wonderful book cradled in my lap!  But once in a while there is a glitch in this so-called perfect picture that I have painted for you.  And that is when I misplace my reading glasses, which should be lying ever so nicely on top of the anticipated book sitting on the end table to the right of my chair.  You see, when they disappear I have to unwrap myself from my warm cozy blanket and go on a seek and (hopefully) find my reading glasses mission.  And you know what Ellie?  That is when I also find out that the other ten pair of reading glasses that I have sporadically placed around the house are missing too.  I find them all in unusual places such as on top of the unplugged freezer next to the garage refrigerator, the third medal shelf in the storage room, Poppy’s workbench and my closet!   You are probably thinking at this moment that I have gone off track again, but not really Ellie because I always “anticipate” a sense of relief when I find them!

Ooooooooooh…. Here is a good one.  How about the anticipation of how the new episodes of this season’s TV shows will fare!  I am thinking that Modern Family is still topping my favorite list as its season opener last week gave me many a giggle!  And then there is always Date Night Saturday with Poppy!  After church we usually head off to the movies and it doesn’t really matter if the movie is terrific or not…. Poppy and I really go to eat and enjoy the Popcorn!  Sometimes the simplest of pleasurable expectations can be the best Ellie! 

Another yearly “anticipation” for me has already happened.  And that is the starting of a new school year.  I can happily say that it looks like our 2011/12 school year is going to be another awesome one.  The children in our class are eager to learn, they are kind, they are fun and overall they are amazing!  Getting back into a regular routine after having a whirlwind summer is good for me too, as multi-tasking is not one of my greater strengths!  Your mommy is finding this transition a little bit more complex of which I can totally understand as she has more on her plate to juggle.  She is a great wife, a fantastic teacher, a compassionate daughter, a true friend and an incredible, hands on, loving mommy!  You will learn as you grow Ellie, that your mommy will bring you lots of anticipation because she is always full of exciting surprises and pleasant memories!

I think next week we should begin talking about the upcoming “anticipation” of your Uncle Ryan and Aunt Samantha’s wedding.  What a grand time and a beautiful day it shall be!  What do you think Kimberly???  Oooooooh, and I can’t forget to touch on Fall, maybe sneaking in a picture or two!  (That is if it doesn’t keep raining!)

Now I shall end with a quote from Gloria Swanson.  “As daddy said…. Life is 95% anticipation!”  So very true Gloria Swanson, so very true.

Till next week Ellie-bean!

Love Mimi!